Monday, September 27, 2010

Rant and Roll

First of all, it's late*. I should be in bed. But I'm not. I should have worked out tonight. But I didn't. I should have had at least one vegetable with dinner tonight. But thanks to my husband's family's affinity for meat, I had none. But that is all beside the point. I am here to talk about fashion magazines. More specifically, I am here to talk about why fashion magazines piss me off.

I love me some fashion magazines. And everyone who loves fashion magazines knows that fall is the fashion industry's favorite season. Therefore, I have a big pile of freshly printed magazines hanging out at the foot of my bed, all glossy and smelling of perfume samples. Ahhhhh. Fashion design. I love it. But what am I supposed to do when all good fashion sense gets thrown to the wayside? How am I supposed to cope when fashions greatest are throwing pies in our faces? Tonight I give you ..... "A New and Revised List of Stupid Shit I Keep Seeing in Fashion Magazines." Enjoy.

*Models jumping. Why? Why the hell do photographers think that models need to jump? I am sick of it. Who jumps? Do you ever see people jumping up and down besides at a concert? No. Especially not in heels.

*For the love of God, why on earth do designers want their runway models to look ugly? Ugly hair. Ugly makeup. And some of them are not only ugly, but down right creepy or dirty looking. How does making a model look like crap help your clothing? STOP! Be more like Tommy Hilfiger, Ralph Lauren and Michael Kors. Pretty is better. Ugly is just.... ugly.

*I am seeing an unusually high number of photo shoots in the desert lately. Yeah. I just threw on this ten thousand dollar ensemble and am now traipsing around the desert. That happens. All the time.

*Hey fashion industry, you can feel free to stop reminding us that 50 year olds can look like 20 year olds now. We get it. Money can buy the fountain of youth. Next time you put out an "Age Issue", try using people who actually look their age.

*Stop printing political pieces. We all know that you are going to take the liberals side every single time. We are here to see fashion. When I want a political view, I will turn on Fox news. Because, yes, I like fashion AND I am a conservative.

*Androgyny. Okay. This one is killing me. Girls who look like boys and boys who look like girls. And then, throwing all of those boy/girl looking people in a pile and making you guess which is which. I am lesser endowed than most. That doesn't mean I want to look like a boy!! And, for heaven's sake, Stop Putting Lipstick on the Guys!!!! {I'm looking right at you, Burberry} Pick a side.

*When was the last time you took your clothes off and hugged your purse? Oh, just this morning? Well, in that case, never mind. Purses modeled with naked bodies. Don't get it. Also, I am seeing nudity in the oddest of places lately. Not just purse and shoe adds. For instance, topless girl hanging out at the ball court with all her man's friends. I don't have a problem with nudity, when done right. But, come on. Do you really expect this to boost a young girls idea of self worth? About as much as the fact that you still use size zero models.

The fashion industry never has and never will be the best role model in the world. And I wouldn't want them to be. It wouldn't be nearly as fun. But sometimes they do make a normal girl want to bang her head against the wall in disbelief. Who comes up with this stuff? We really don't have to have the shock factor to stay engaged. The blogging world has proven this to great measures. You can see a million photos of living rooms, flowers or Paris. They don't have to blow our mind every time. They just need to portray beauty. Beauty always works. Beauty will always captivate. Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, colors and styles.

Let's just call it what it is. Pretty is pretty. Ugly is still ugly. Stupid will always be stupid. And models jumping without a puddle underneath them still makes me say "What the hell?"

*It was late when I started. And then I went to bed.
**I think this photo came from Slumber Designs. Although, I could be wrong.


Dawn said...

OMG! This was the funniest most well-thought out post I have read in ages!
Hahahahaha...I LOVE it!
Way to tell em!
I`m behind you one hundred percent!!!!
(hahahha....gasp.....I just love it!)

``models jumping without a puddle...``......hahahhaaa..
Oh you made my day!
Thank you:)

Sarah Klassen said...

YOU are my hero -- not only do I agree 100% but I am laughing right now... *sigh* so so true. Sometimes, I open a section and skip it entirely -- ugly is not pretty or wonderful or inspiring -- I'll stick to being inspired by pretty :)

Thanks for the honesty!