I was talking to a friend in the grocery store last week. We were discussing our respective divorces and all that comes with that territory. He said something to the effect of "Well, I guess now you can get more stuff done." To which I quipped back "I have no choice. I have to totally rely on myself now."
It was a tiny little exchange in an otherwise heavy conversation, but those few words brought on a realization that was bigger than everything else that had been running through my head for the past nine months. I am responsible for my own life.
In the past, my decisions about everything revolved around the fact that I was married. I did not call the shots. What my future looked like was not in my hands. I was not a co-star. I was simply a supporting actress. This was a fact that afforded me to be quite lazy in my endeavors. But now I have no leading actor to take the spotlight while I waste time and twiddle my thumbs in the corner. He walked off stage and here I stand with everyone watching and asking "What's she gonna do now?"
I can't be lazy anymore. I can't hide behind someone else's hopes and dreams. I can't just give up and let the tide of life carry me where it may. I have a life to live. I have bills to pay. I have goals and ambitions (believe it or not). I have a future to build. And I have to give it my all, because I'm depending on me. It's trying times, and I must say, finally...........it's time for trying.