Sick and Tired of

EVERYTHING.

from here.

I'm sick and tired of giving a shit.  Sick and tired of my heart being such a little bitch.  I'm sick and tired of losing my way and getting side tracked by stupid situations that I shouldn't even be dealing with.  I'm sick and tired of other people expecting me to save them.  I'm sick and tired of forgetting that all this shit makes me sick and tired.  

My life has been odd lately.  Things are shifting.  Feelings are all over the place; strewn about like straw in a tornado.  I signed my separation papers this week and turned them in.  I am officially single.  I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.  Being single is strange.  Not in a bad way, I don't suppose.  But just strange.  I am responsible for making decisions that I haven't had to make in over six years.  Decisions about other people and how to navigate my relationships with them.
 
This is all very cryptic, I know.  But I'm not sure that even I know what I am trying to convey.

I had to speak to my ex last week for forty five minutes, in person, while waiting for the lawyer to show up.  It was quite like speaking to a stranger.  Someone that I knew their history, but didn't know them personally.  I kept wanting to tilt my head and ask "Who are you?".  This doesn't hurt, surprisingly.  There is no tug in my heart for him.  Just open space where he once was. 

The rumor mill is churning out stories about me in this small town.  Fuck em', I say.  I'm tired of having to defend my own honor when I know good and damn well what I am and am not doing.  Nothing is being said of him, however.  And there is plenty that could be said. 

So, there is a pile of magazines a mile high in my bedroom.  A punch list of things to paint, make or sew.  Movies that I haven't watched.  Books I haven't read.  And none of it interests me now.  It all seems so secular and shallow.  Life is feeling a bit shallow.  People are seeming increasingly more shallow. 

I am sick and tired of shallow. 

I want to strip off my floatation devices and jump into the deep end.  I want to give the world the middle finger and dive deep into the waters of my soul.  I want to feel things.  I want to know things.  I want to quit letting others sway me.  I want to swim out far enough to be able to look back at the shore and, with my feet floating freely underneath me, be able to know what my next step is.  I want to have conversations with my Maker.  Because I want to live the marvelous, meaningful, passionate,  unimaginable, wondrous, creative, exciting, deep-end life that He made me to live. 

I want to live. 

~

Cuddles

from here.

I don't know about you, but if I walked into my room at the French Chalet Brickell and found two drunken teddy bears lounging about my floor, I would have to do a little happy dance before tucking the pair into bed to sleep off their buzz. 

How seriously cozy is this room?  Complete with boozy polar bears. 
Now that I'm thinking it about it.......it could have been the sight of all those furry blankets and headboard that made these bears heads spin.  (I'm sure it's probably faux.) 

I'm not looking forward to hibernation season, but this chalet definitely looks like an inviting place to cuddle up and stay warm.

Only Fools

from here.

Is it foolish to still hope for true love?  Is it crazy that I'm not yet jaded? 
There is still this tiny shining light in the pit of my soul that truly believes that there is someone out there who I am meant to live my life with. 
I don't want a husband.  I don't want a knight in shining armor.  I want a best friend.  A best friend that I can have long conversations and passionate sex with.
Is that possible?  Does that happen? 


I go meet the Ex tomorrow to sign separation papers.  The thought makes me feel heavy.  I don't want to see him.  I don't miss him.  I'm not even mad at him.  I think that's why I don't want to be face to face with him.  I'm not sure what sort of emotions are going to come floating up.  

I have seen countless marriages fall apart this year.  2012, it seems, has been a year of destruction.  And for all of us newly unwed hearts, I hope that this isn't the end of our love stories.  I hope that there are better stories in our future.  And I hope that we have the courage to try again.

Sometimes hope is all we got.

News Alert!

I think I should let you guys know the latest in a string of events that goes back to an incident that happened last year.  Remember that peeping perv that I had on my back porch?  Well, my dad and I caught him this past Thursday night.  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He is in jail awaiting trial.  He admitted to last year's event, too.  And, obviously, he has been getting away with this for a long time. 

I don't really want to go into all the details of the hunt down and everything.  Let's just say, I got a good bit of satisfaction out of the situation.  Thank God for letting us catch him. 

Also, let me just say that I will always stand behind the right to bear arms in this country.   Always. 

How My Mind Works

What do you see when you look at this picture?

A beautiful bathroom?  An amazing tub?

All I see is a wall full of places for spiders to hide and come jumping out at you in the most inopportune moment. 
Rock wall full of spiders. 

This is how my mind works. 

Friday Fantasy

from here and here. 

Happy Weekend. 
xoxo  Jo