Just That Simple......

from here.

.....no matter what. 

Rest

from here.

Sleep has been hard to come by lately. 
My legs ache.  My stomach growls.  My mind wanders to a million different places.
There is a churning in my being.
A desire for something more.
Not only from love, but from life.

My psyche is weaving intricate new ideas about who it is that I am meant to be.
And there is a push from deep within that tells me that it is something meaningful.

Patience, my child.
There is tempering in progress. 
Let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

What keeps me awake at night?
Is it loneliness?
Is it fear?
Or is it the hope that stirs endlessly in my heart and soul, eager for a deeper experience?

Dear Lord, grant me the wisdom to recognize it, the discernment to not be fooled and led off course, the patience to wait for it........whatever it is. 

In the meantime, sleep would be nice.

The New Road

from here.

Here I am, thirty-one years old and alone.  If you would have told me ten years ago that I would be single in my thirties, I probably would have had a mild panic attack.  But now that I have lived through my twenties, being thirty-something isn't half bad.  Being alone after six years of marriage, however, hurts.  

Yes.  My husband left me.  He said that he just couldn't live with the fact that I didn't want to try to have a baby with him.  And I am crushed.  Deeply. 

My days are a roller coaster ride of self preservation highs and heart wrenching lows.  I can't believe that he actually left.  And with no warning.  Seemingly out of nowhere. 
I believed so fully in our marriage.  Believed that we could weather almost any storm.  And we had.  We had weathered some pretty gnarly ones.  All the time, I thought it had only made us stronger.  Obviously, I was wrong. 

Now I am praying for my contractors license to go through.  Praying for a string of good work.  Praying for strength and grace.  Praying to understand God's plan for me.  And praying that I finally become the person I am meant to be.

My heart may be tied in knots and my courage is very weak.  But I realize that now is the time to rinse the dust from my weary soul and rise to the occasion.  Who am I without my husband?  Who am I when standing alone?  What am I doing with my life that I can be proud of? 

I did not make this decision.  I did not want to end my marriage.  I love my husband so very much.  He will always hold a part of my heart. 
But he walked away. 
And now I must learn to walk without him. 

My Heart In Shreds

My husband left me.
Apparently, because I don't want children. 

Friday Fantasy

pinterest

turquoise-coconut

Water. 
I haven't seen an ocean, lake, or river up close and personal so far this summer. 
No swimming. 
No laying my head back into the water to hear the sounds under the surface.
No drying off in the warmth of the sun. 
No floating.

My soul dies just a bit. 

Seriously? It's Thursday?

I am living in a fog.  And I'm quite sure you are sick and tired of hearing about my personal shit on this blog.  I'm supposed to be all pretty pictures and crazy inspiration, right?  Oh, wait.  I was never that. 

How about a confession?  My husband has been gone all month.  Yep.  Doing some more training stuff.  I've been stuck at home with Gus (and all the other drama that has been happening).  I should have tons of time to blog, right?  Wrong.  What the hell have I been doing?

*Well, losing a whole lot of sleep, for one.  I can't sleep without the Hubs in the house.  And Gus has been so nervous that he barks at every - single - little - noise - he hears.  This is why my brain hasn't functioned properly in so long. 

*Watched more Saved By the Bell on Netflix than I care to admit.  On second thought, I don't care one bit to admit that.  It beats the hell out of most new shows. 

*Paid a lot of money for permits.....to dig wells.  to install septic systems.  to build houses.

*Some painting.  And some finishing of piles of projects that were started and lying dormant for months on end.  Now if I can only manage to get them to the Etsy shop.

*A lot of eating dinner with mom (because she knows that, otherwise, I would probably not cook for myself). 

*Took a little overnight trip with some girlies last Saturday.  We basically just had a blast and enjoyed being out of the house. 

There's plenty of other stuff, but most of it sucked.  So I'm just gonna leave it at that and shut up. 

Love and Hugs and Sunshine and all that happy stuff.
Let's see if I can get back here tomorrow with a Friday Fantasy.
~Jo~

Best $10 Ever Spent

I have always wanted a hammock.  But, gees Louise, those things cost a lot of money!  So when I ran across a cloth hammock at the local Roses store, I automatically wanted to buy it.  {for those who don't know what a Roses store is; let's just say that it's nicer than a dollar store, but not nearly as nice as a Wal-Mart.  Yeah, really.}  Anyway......of course I didn't buy it.  I figured it was too cheap to waste my money on, and where the heck would I hang it? 

A few weeks went by and I kept mentioning the $10 hammock that I didn't buy and my husband kept rolling his eyes at me.  Then we went back to Roses to buy the pupper a kiddie pool.  {yes, I'm serious.  It's hot and we have no AC.}  And I said "Hey!  Let's go see if there are any of those hammocks left!". 
Guess what?  I have a $10 hammock hanging on my back porch. 

Let me tell ya, this thing is awesome.  Nevermind the fact that it hangs only a foot off of the porch when occupied.  It still rocks gently and wraps me up like a cocoon.  It's perfect for taking a nap.  And there's something very calming about it; like being rocked in someones arms.  I can confidently say that it was $10 well spent. 

The kiddie pool, however?  Gus thinks it's just a huge water bowl.  He will get in and wade around a bit while catching the floating bugs, but he hasn't thought to flop down in the water to cool off like he does in the creek.  Oh, well.  I guess every $10 spent can't be as good as a hammock.