Advice to Men

Never marry a woman that will not allow you to see her without makeup. 

I was just perusing the hair and makeup board on Pinterest and was overwhelmed at all the instructions on facial contouring.  One can do amazing things with makeup.  And, hey...who doesn't enjoy a new look every now and then?

But beware of those ladies who never go out by the light of day without full war paint on.  Chances are, she is probably lacking in some very important self esteem and confidence levels. 

Or there is the very real possibility that she does not, in fact, look like a Kardashian. 

Relationships

can be purchased here.

One of the things that a divorce inevitably results in is the deep consideration of relationships and what makes them work or fall apart.

Breakups hurt.  Divorces hurt.  And, I think we can all agree, relationships hurt.

I've spent a whole lot of time thinking about what went wrong in my last marriage.  I've tried to pin-point how on earth we went from being in love and happy to the place where one of us was willing to give up completely.

If you think about it, almost every relationship starts out the same way.  There is infatuation and adoration.  Chemical attraction and soaring dopamine levels.  Both parties confess their affection and make promises of devotion and undying love.  But, with time, all things change.  And of all the things that make or break a relationship, I truly believe (from the bottom of my heart) that the very most important component of love is RESPECT.

Many people will argue that trust is the most important quality in a relationship.  But how can you trust one another if you don't respect one another?  You can't.  In my opinion, without respect you have nothing.  You must respect the person you are with and they must respect you.  Once you lose that respect, it is almost impossible to get it back.  And that is where most relationships falter.

The day my marriage died was not a few months before my husband walked out the door.  It wasn't even a few years.  My marriage died when the respect for one another was lost.  And that happened within the first few fragile years of being together.   
We loved eachother very much.  And there were so many good qualities to our relationship.  But without the foundation of respect, we had nothing to stand on.  We were trying to build on sinking sand. 

End of story. 

The New Road

from here.

Here I am, thirty-one years old and alone.  If you would have told me ten years ago that I would be single in my thirties, I probably would have had a mild panic attack.  But now that I have lived through my twenties, being thirty-something isn't half bad.  Being alone after six years of marriage, however, hurts.  

Yes.  My husband left me.  He said that he just couldn't live with the fact that I didn't want to try to have a baby with him.  And I am crushed.  Deeply. 

My days are a roller coaster ride of self preservation highs and heart wrenching lows.  I can't believe that he actually left.  And with no warning.  Seemingly out of nowhere. 
I believed so fully in our marriage.  Believed that we could weather almost any storm.  And we had.  We had weathered some pretty gnarly ones.  All the time, I thought it had only made us stronger.  Obviously, I was wrong. 

Now I am praying for my contractors license to go through.  Praying for a string of good work.  Praying for strength and grace.  Praying to understand God's plan for me.  And praying that I finally become the person I am meant to be.

My heart may be tied in knots and my courage is very weak.  But I realize that now is the time to rinse the dust from my weary soul and rise to the occasion.  Who am I without my husband?  Who am I when standing alone?  What am I doing with my life that I can be proud of? 

I did not make this decision.  I did not want to end my marriage.  I love my husband so very much.  He will always hold a part of my heart. 
But he walked away. 
And now I must learn to walk without him. 

Counting Pennies ~ Cooperation

When it comes to money there are generally two kinds of people. Spenders and savers. And oddly enough, it seems that most long term relationships are made up of one of each.

I have had the subject of love and money on my mind lately. Particularly, how the two affect each other and how we handle it.

My husband happens to be the spender in our marriage. He thinks nothing of dropping fifty dollars here and seventy dollars there. If he wants something and the money is readily available, he will buy it. I am the opposite. I stress out about spending twenty dollars at a time. But instead of making me want to save even more, watching him spend money like it grows on trees actually makes me resent all the things he buys for himself. In turn, I want to go out and buy the things that I really want. It just seems unfair. Why can't I buy myself nice things, too? I make money. I pay bills. But then there are two people recklessly spending money with no regard for the future.

I have thought and thought about how to address this issue. I can't tell my husband that he can't buy things for himself. He works for his money and has every right to decide where it goes. And I can't very well throw reason out the window and spend every dime I make to match his spending habits. So, my rule for cooperation......

Rule #4: Two wrongs don't make a right.

Just do what you know needs to be done. If you are the Saver of the relationship, that means that you keep your cool and continue to make responsible spending decisions, regardless of what the other party is doing. Keep on keeping on. If you are the Spender, however, maybe you could take a moment to consider how the other party feels about your spending habits. Two wrongs don't make a right. But two rights do make a left, as in money "left" over for emergencies. Corny, yes. But true.


*pic from here.

Bringing it Back.

Let me get an early start, here, to try to make up for my absence last week.

First off, let me just say "Thank You!". I know I can always count on my blog friends to come through for me with some warm words and cyber hugs. I love you guys so much. And while we're on the subject of warm words, let me say this. Sometimes you guys give me some very deep and personal advice and words of wisdom. You are so generous and thoughtful that way. I always publish those comments, even if they are of a personal nature. I figure that if they can be encouraging to me, that there is probably someone else out there who could benefit from reading them, too. I hope you don't mind.

Things are doing better with the hubby and I. And I have no more to say about that. I am tired of talking about it. Suffice it to say that marriage is hard and life can suck. Maybe I'll write a post about it sometime. But not right now.

February is here and there are a lot of ideas floating around in my head. Hopefully some of them will come to fruition. So, stay with me folks. I plan on being around more often.

Oh, yes! And those business cards I told you about? They happen to be the same color as that fabulous dress up there. Because in my world, neon never goes out of style.

Hugs and Sunshine
~Jo~


*pic from here.