Friday, May 13, 2011

Profound Thought of the Day

I've been doing way more thinking than is really healthy these days. I guess maybe I have finally reached an age where I more fully understand myself than I ever have before. Maybe I have found a breathe of fresh air and feel like I need to make some changes in my life. Whatever the reason, my brain has been doing more calculating than it has done in a long time. And, as usual, if we are thinking about life, we are sure to run into the subject of love.

I have always been a little cynical about love. I don't really look at love in the same light that Hollywood does. I don't believe in fairytales. And to be quite honest with you, I'm not totally sure that I believe that two people can love each other equally.

I would really like to believe that it is possible to be in a relationship that makes both people the best version of themselves that they can be. And it would truly thrill me to believe that it is possible to have a relationship where both people are fully themselves, never having to change anything about their personality or preferences. But, alas, I have yet to see such a relationship.

It is my honest opinion that people tend to hang way too much on the word "love" itself. Love is a great thing, yes. I love love. But (here goes the profound thought part), love is not what makes a great relationship. (Oh. I can hear the crowd mumbling amongst themselves.) Simmer down. Simmer down, people. It's true. Just hear me out. A romantic relationship (for lack of better terms) is not based on love.

You do not have to respect someone to love them.
Yet, respect is one of the most important parts of a good relationship.

You do not have to trust someone to love them.
Yet, if you do not have trust in a relationship, it will surely crumble.

You do not have to have a similar moral code with someone to love them.
However, if you do not have similar morals in a relationship, you are headed for trouble.

You do not have to be physically attracted to someone to love them.
But, come on, let's face it. You need to be physically attracted to the person you are in a relationship with.

This is the real kicker, right here.

You do not really even have to like someone in order to love them.
Ah, but just try having a relationship with someone that you don't like.

You see, love really is NOT all you need. You need more. We all need more. And for any of you out there who are mumbling about that feeling that you get in your stomach, the butterflies and racing heart. That is not love, my dears. That is infatuation. And you cannot build a relationship on that, either. It makes for a good fling. But if you are going for the long haul, you gotta have more than butterflies.

I realize more and more these days that compatibility is one of the most desired things in a long term relationship. Being able to understand the person you are with. Having the confidence in and respect for each other to be able to communicate and grow. When going into a relationship, keep in mind that there is usually something about yourself that you are going to have to give up in order to be with this person. Look real hard. We normally always end up sacrificing a part of who we are to be with someone else. Is it a part of you that you can live without? Be honest with yourself.

I'm not trying to be mean spirited and rain on any one's parade. I'm just trying to be real and honest and maybe even helpful. Love is a many splendored thing. And we all need love. But love is not all we need.

*painting by me.


lilabraga said...

you do have a good point here!

Dawn said... true. And at disheartening. I'm still trying to figure this one out myself.....

Hope you have a great new week...and that you're doing ok(?)

(AND....just thought I would let you know- I have had MANY comments on my beeeutiful ring:)))))

waitinginthevelvetsea said...

what thought provoking posts lately. i agree with the first part. i loved my ex, but i didn't like, respect, trust etc him. but i have also met a lot of compatible people but that doesn't necessarily work either if there's no spark of passion.

Jen said...

Someone's been doing some thinking!! And what about attraction? It's something that is a must for me. I need to be attracted to the person I'm looking at and kissing each day. Can you imagine love without attraction??

Jen said...

Ok, so now I see that you addressed attraction... my bad! ;-) How you doing sweetie? How's your summer going?